Michael Phelps and Sparkly Lulz

If you are a female, and you were watching the Olympics last night (or any time today as well, since they are obsessively replaying it–and I say, why not?), then you probably have the image of half-naked Michael Phelps burned into your memory.  Following my tour of Europe and seeing completely naked marble statues for two weeks straight (I won’t even say what image was burned into my memory after that), I have to say it’s a pretty nice picture.  Observe.  (From the neck down that is….  I definitely love his big ol’ ears, but it’s what’s below that which counts.)

 

I <3 primal yells ^_^

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If you read my previous post about Breaking Dawn where I linked in a most hilarious commentary of the selfsame book, then you’re already acquainted with Cleo Linda’s sense of humor.  (See here if you missed it.)  Anyway, she also has a commentary for New Moon and Eclipse–not quite as funny, I think, but still good.  My favorite line is from the New Moon one: 

Where are my lulz? My sparkly, sparkly lulz?

Talking about when Edward leaves Bella, obviously.  This is pretty much how I felt.  I spent most of the book trying to refind my lulz so that a) there would be more awesome kissing scenes and b) I could beat up said lulz for being ghey and leaving in the first place.  I felt a tangible relief when Bella catapulted into Edward’s chest in Volterra (and so did everyone else in a ten mile radius, as I sunk into a horrible mood of depression and grouchiness when he vanished off to Never-Never-Land).  

But…..  No one shoot me here, alright?  As much as I love me some sparkling, rock hard, golden-eyed vampire, Jacob is my man.  Or my werewolf, whichever.  And he kinda has been since Eclipse.  I’ve been trying to figure out the reasons for this preference ever since I discovered it.  Yes, Jacob is warm–or hawt, should I say–and that’s good since I’m seriously cold natured.  Yes, Jacob is much more carefree and devil-may-care than Edward, and therefore much more my type.  Still though… I didn’t have it.

(Here’s the part where this stops being about Twilight and starts being more relevant for those of you who are about to puke vampire sparkle and werewolf fur.)

Then I realized–it’s because Jacob is so much more real than Edward.  Yeah, yeah, I can hear a lot of you thinking, “But DURH werewolves are not real EITHAR.”  I know that.  But he at least comes across as human, and his personality is much more believable than Edward’s (not to mention more fun, to me at least).  And Jacob is simply more… more… healthy.  Edward is a fairy-tale fantasy on crack cocaine; Jacob is the fun, cute boy that you’ve been friends with forever and who is actually real.  With Jacob, there is no instantaneous, life-ruling obsession where you can’t think about anything else; instead, you fall in love with him little by little, becoming friends first and then warming up to the more-than-friends bit.  But at the basis of it, that’s what the two of you are: best friends, who just happen to be in love too.  None of this I-am-giving-up-everything-else-to-be-with-you-4evr business; instead, you’re living life together, with all of its normal beauties and heartaches.  

I suppose this preference also derives from the fact that this sort of relationship is what I want.  Not this immediate hormone-packed OMG-I-CAN’T-THINK-ABOUT-ANYTHING-ELSE-BUT-EDWARDness, but something a little more subtle, a little more gentle.  Not that you love the person any less for the lack of OMG-I-CAN’T-THINK-ABOUT-ANYTHING-ELSE-BUT-EDWARDness, it’s just not so life-ruling.  If this is the route you want to go–the big capital letter phrase route, that is–then really, that’s awesome.  I hope you enjoy it and write sparkly lulz books about it so I can devour them mindlessly over and over again.  But for me?  

Just gimme da werewolf, please.

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Also, for some serious girl power, see this post.